Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth

How can you measure ones growth?

Is it how much taller you've gotten? How much weight you've put on? How much friends you've acquired? or How much wisdom you've gained? But how do you measure that?

I've gone through a really TOUGH year. It was terrible! Whenever I think about it, it always gives me horrible memories. It was rough, frightening, traumatic and awful! But somehow I got through it. It wasn't always pretty, not at all glamorous, it may have seemed happy, but it wasn't. Not always. There were happy days, but those happy days were always ruined.

But I got through it. 

I'm not at all sure if it has given me the growth that I needed. I'm definitely tougher, and I guess I can do things without giving up. But what has it given me? To my professional growth?

Maybe teaching in the first grade wasn't for me. Maybe it is. But I just got through something I don't ever want to feel again. I was a fresh graduate, thrown into a level ALL ALONE with no one to guide me, no one to help me with the things going on in the classroom. I felt lost, I cried almost everyday, I was jealous of my colleagues who got to be trained and are STILL trained up to this day. It was a horrible feeling. Some would tell me that being thrown into something alone IS MY TRAINING, but the way I saw it was torture. At one point I said, "I NEVER wanted to teach ever again." Instead of being more confident in myself from having achieved this, I lost myself, I gained 20 pounds, and It lowered my self-esteem. I want to be trained and have the chance to learn from someone. In other blogs I would read about teachers learning from their mentors, or using the styles their mentors taught them, or what they've observed from their mentors. I never had that chance. I was thrown into something I wasn't ready for and it totally sucks!


I'm reading this book, Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov. 

I just read the foreword, introduction and half of chapter one and I LOVE it. I read it slowly. I highlighted, took down notes, I watched the videos, and tried to squeeze out every information and tips that I could get. It's  good book! it's very practical rather than filling your brain with theories and information. I just read the first part and I'm HOOKED! This book also helped me realize that in a way I'm lucky to be teaching in a small school. It made me realize that YEAH, my situation SUCKED, but I shouldn't let my situation and circumstance define who I am and who I want to be. It also made me appreciate what I have instead of what I don't have or wan't to have. I also shouldn't be jealous of my colleagues. It may seem that they're lucky and get everything that I wished I had. To be trained each year she was at the school by one of the most amazing teachers, while I, on my first year of teaching was thrown into a level alone. Yes it was horrible and sucked out the life of me, but I could learn from this. It also made me see that in some ways I am lucky and I do have qualities and things that others don't get. I also saw how little things can make a difference. I do get help, not all the time and in little ways, but still, it helped me in bigger ways. I'm very lucky to be in this type of setting, and to be a part of this wonderful school. A lot of teachers experience worse. So thanks to this book, I am grateful.


I'm very nervous yet so excited for the next school year. For the summer even! :) I'm going to be in a whole new level, Preschool, with kids aged 4.6-5.5. I'm nervous because I have never taught this level EVER and I'm really praying and hoping I don't get left alone again. I'm hoping to be trained and learn from someone. I'm excited to be able to work with a team. Working in the first grade was very lonely, so I'm definitely excited to have at least someone with me. Someone to laugh with when something funny happens in the classroom, someone to help me when there's something difficult to handle or when an incident happens. As long as someone is there with me I'd be happy. A chance also to learn from someone, a mentor, definitely exciting. I'm also excited for the level, the age of the kids, endless possibilities for stations, for hands on activities, for read aloud books. It's also the perfect level to learn reading which I'd love to learn how to teach and  be part of the kids' journey. Definitely exciting. With all this excitement, I'm very nervous. Anxious that I'd have to do it first without any model to copy from. 


If there was one thing I learned from my horrible experience is that I can get through anything. I am strong and I won't give up. Praying for a wonderful school year ahead :) Wish me luck!

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough" -Jason Mraz