Decisions

I always find it very difficult to make decisions. Decisions that can affect the rest of my life. Pros and cons don't help much, these decisions have good and bad points. Advice from other people say to go where I'll be happy, or to take a risk. I honestly wish I knew what I wanted.

I feel like I'm on a swing in the park while the rain is pouring down on me. I don't move, I don't run for cover, I just sit there and think. I really want to know what I want.

If I flip a coin, would that fix all my answers?

I always find that I don't have enough time to do what I need to do. I hope it isn't because of laziness, but I SHOULD have enough time to do the things I need plus the things I want.

This decision should help me and make me a better person. This decision should make me a happier person, more passionate to do my job well, to actually believe in myself. I need to observe and see for myself what I will be getting myself into.

COUNTDOWN: OMG 11 more days!!!

I'm sooo not ready for this!!! I need to be confident in myself. It's all I need and all I want. I NEED THIS.

note to self: Keep praying..... and..... EXCERCISE!

Strong?

I'm not as strong as you think. This pressure is killing me. I'm having a hard time taking it all in...

Breathe in... Breathe out.

What do I want? I ultimately just want to be trained, to learn from someone. Don't expect me to be strong, to automatically know what to do, to be really good at this, cos I'm not. I'm not as strong as you think. I try to be positive, I try to be strong, but I'm not there yet.

There's a possibility I could be great at this, there's also a possibility that I would fail.

What to do.

I'm finding it very difficult to be positive about this.

Choices in life.

COUNTDOWN: 15 more days

Oh my. It's getting closer and closer. I have to prepare myself. I have to organize my life.

COUNTDOWN #2: 46 more weeks!

What have I done thats different? I TRIED being more positive, but no matter how hard I try, there is always something holding me back, making me want to run away and give up.

Any words of wisdom? none.

Don't give up. Hang in there! 4 more REAL weeks left! Then it's ALL OVER! another adventure will begin.

However challenging it may be, what is there to look forward to?

Maybe something good might come out of it...

I want to dance all my troubles away

and run away....

Take these things away

What do you look forward to every morning when you wake up?

This question lingers in my mind every morning. Usually, I look forward to the END of the day. Then I ask myself: Is that what I really want to be looking forward to everyday for the rest of my life? Not really. So I told myself short term goals for now. All on the road to reach my dreams.

COUNTDOWN: 24 more days.

For what you ask? It's something that can make or break my dreams. It's something that, if it goes well, can make me the happiest I can ever imagine to be.

To reach that goal I should:
- Stop working Saturdays
- Get all my documents in order
- Apply for something I SHOULD have when I graduated college but didn't get round to do it

ANOTHER COUNTDOWN: 47 more weeks


Last week, I was given this "Jar of Marbles." There were 48 marbles inside. Every week, I have to remove a marble from the jar and reflect if I've done anything in the week that can bring me one step closer to my dreams. Or if I've done anything special in my life. The 48 marbles represent the weeks of the year. I just removed my first marble. What special thing did I do this week? hmmm..... After like a YEAR of NOT working out and gaining pound after pound, just yesterday I went Roller Blading in my Village. It wasn't long, and it clearly wasn't a grand losing lots of weight workout. But it's a start. Hopefully of many more make-myself-feel-better days.

With 47 more weeks left of the year, I hope I get closer and closer to finding ME and who I want to be.

NEW GOAL: Look forward to something small everyday.

I will also start with Notes to self.

Note to self # 1: There will be lots of problems that will come your way. Stay cool. Don't lose it. Just take a deep breath and believe that everything will be okay. Think about it. There's always a solution to all your problems. And remember, something good will always come out of all your hard work. So smile your troubles away :)