Labor of Love

Just yesterday, I volunteered to take part in a 3rd birthday party of a sweet little girl. It was a paint party and with it came decorations, sticking on walls, markers, glue, candies, rainbow cake, little kids, and lots of PAINT! It was a wonderful mixture of chaos, laughter, paint, songs, screams, and a whole lot more. I had a blast! 

I realized that when you love doing something, all your worries in life don't really matter anymore. What matters is that you found something that makes you smile everyday and makes you appreciate the beauty of life. 

Yup! This realization in birthday party. What a wonderful bunch of people too! Imagine having a group of close friends, growing up, getting married, and having kids. You celebrate weddings, baby showers, and parties together. As the kids grow up, you still have that solid group of friends to celebrate life together. That's what I saw in the party. It was amazing to witness a friendship and family so close and happy. It was incredible and left me feeling incredible. 

 My painting smock and a sweet letter. I feel blessed. 

Fake it until you make it

Sometimes when you fake it, the "it" becomes reality.

Doubting myself is the biggest downfall I possess. Maybe sometimes I just had to fake it until I actually make it.

Everyone feels horrible at some points in their lives. It doesn't make them emotional or overly dramatic, it just makes them normal. Yes, horrible is the word. Horrible, miserable, frustrated, awful, and terrible. What do you do when you feel that way EVERYDAY of your life? It never seems to end.

Should I quit? run away? Withstand the pain? Continue knowing it makes me miserable every single day????

I have no idea. Maybe I should just embrace the chaos in my life because something good may come out of it. Or maybe waiting isn't the answer, Maybe I should just leave... Be free.... and maybe I will find my answer.

Searching for light at the end of my unending tunnel.